Serious Confessions

Discuss challenging/controversial issues/ideas here. Petty argumentative jargon will become refuse.

Re: Serious Confessions

Postby clayton » Sun Jan 13, 2013 10:48 pm

I've been easily angered by a lot of stuff lately and it's starting to kill me.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Sara » Mon Jan 14, 2013 2:10 am

Membrane, I'm 26 and I feel the same way half the time anyway. Izzi and elisa are right. It's normal.

Clayton that sucks. The fact you can see what it's doing is probably meaning you're closer to solving that issue.


Sc... I hate that I got in that car wreck. I am in legitimate pain most of the time and I can't do as much as I used to. I feel like everyone just treats me like I use it as an excuse to be lazy, even when I'm doing more than I should, which results in me being in more pain.

I hate the fact that I can't live my life the way I did last year at this time. Since may I have been to 2 shows. After the second one I knew I couldn't handle it physically, or emotionally, to go anymore. I can't justify spending the time, gas, and money I do to go stand in the back where I won't find myself in more pain. Not only that but having to wuss out and hang out in the balcony during August Burns Red broke a part of me. I have been going to shows like this for over ten years and that was the first time I have ever left a crowd before the band I went to see had played.

Two of my friends got married this year. Dancing at their receptions put me in pain for days. I can't enjoy going to the movies because it hurts my neck if we're in the front 3/4 of the theater. I went bowling with my friends the other day and had to stand there and watch while they played.

I know a non-life threatening injury is really not that big a deal in what could have been a way worse accident. I just don't understand how the insurance companies think they can put a price on this stuff and write you off. I went 15 shows between may-jan last year (which is a low amount for me, because of school). I went to 2 this year. I don't know how to say "oh man missing 13 shows sucks this many dollars worth." No amount of money is going to bring me the TARDIS so that I can go back to September and enjoy all of the abr shows I missed or, in the one case, had to bail on because I was dying.

TL;DR I am a whiny baby and a big wuss.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby limework » Mon Jan 14, 2013 9:30 am

i feel ya. i wouldn't be the same if i couldn't go to shows. i've been dealing with kidney stone pain for over a year now, and sometimes it stops me from being able to do normal things, though it's not as consistent as your pain. hang in there!
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Tue Jan 15, 2013 1:06 am

Sara -- I couldn't imagine dealing with my freedom being limited to suddenly. Sure, we all know we're going to eventually get older and something standing in the crowd of a concert won't be so easy. But to have it happen so suddenly and at 26 -- that just sucks. You're not a wuss and you deserve some time to complain about it.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby DarkJoey » Mon Jan 28, 2013 12:52 am

i drinke.d........a .beer...
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Josh_Dead » Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:14 am

noooo not darkjoer
IT'S NOT MAN MAN OR FIVE IRON FRENZY
JOSH DEAD HAS DUCKS!!!! DUGGA DUGGA DUGGA!!!!
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Lettie » Tue Jan 29, 2013 2:00 am

SC: my tricho/dermatillomania is getting really bad again. I can hardly stop picking or scratching at my skin. And it's wasting so much time and it makes me feel guilty.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:13 pm

Take action and see if you can find a way to break it. I know that's easier said than done, but the more you do give in to it the more of a habit it will become. And once it gets ingrained in your day you'll be more likely to do it without thinking about it, thus making it harder to stop.

You probably know all that and I'm sure you're trying. If you can't stop on your own see if you can go to Health Services at whatever university you're at. They should have counseling services that your student fees have likely paid for. Seriously make an appointment. I know a lot of people see counselors as people who just nod along, but if you ask they can help you come up with practical ways to deal with your dermatillomania when you go through bad periods like this.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby owl » Tue Feb 05, 2013 4:58 pm

I am really gay.
I think all the old 'gay jokes' (Age Of Reptiles is by far the best Showbread album like acting gay with all the dudes on here) I used to participate in was just pent up sexual frustration from trying to convince myself that I'm straight. But I'm not. It took me a while to accept, obviously, but I feel 100x better about myself now that I have. I'm not officially out to everyone yet and I def won't come out to like most of my family until I move but its still nice to not have to hide this from literally everyone anymore.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby limework » Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:47 am

i still want you to come to missouri and stay the night with me. just no funny business! ;p
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby owl » Wed Feb 06, 2013 11:32 am

No worries about that.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:13 pm

owl wrote:I feel 100x better about myself now


This right here makes me happy.

I know it was hard for me to talk to some of my family when my personal views on a lot of different topics changed. My mom and I still have some communication problems sometimes and I don't really bother with some of my Aunts and Uncles. But I personally felt so much better when I realized that what I think and what I do with my life doesn't have to follow my parent's ideal. (something my mother forgets....)

Obviously this isn't the same as what you're going though, but I can empathize. I wish you the best of luck moving forward. <3
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Prof_Membrane » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:45 pm

I'm watching a live stream of a church service geared towards college-aged kids (that is actually happening about ten minutes away from where I live, I just didn't want to drive out there for one hour) and it is just reminding me of how much I can't stand hearing most people preach. I cannot stand that breathy, preachy "reverent" voice that people use when talking about God or anything faith-based. It makes it all seem so fake. I try to remind myself that being awed and reverent when talking about the creator of the universe makes complete sense, but it all sounds so. rootin' tootin'. fake! To me, it sounds like I'm being chastised. Like someone is trying to be gentle with me because they don't think I can take the subject matter. I am twenty-two. Please don't talk to me like I'm a child. I'm pretty sure I can handle it. And if I can't, I'll look for help or more information. I hate it. I have almost turned this video stream off because the guy on stage is talking like that.

I talked with my closest Christian friend about this and he understood it, said he felt the same way. A while later he invited me to some youth camp thing going on where he lives. I asked what it was about and he told me youth ministry, like towards younger kids. I respectfully told him that I didn't want to go or really feel compelled to go because I don't entirely like kids outside of my family and that I didn't want to hear the same old spiel about Jesus that has been geared towards kids that are in the 13-17 years old range. No. I've heard it before and, again, I am twenty-two so I don't really want to continue hanging around kids at least 5 years younger than me (which he really seems to enjoy...). AND THEN!!! He busts out the cliche Jesus-speak! After how we talked so seriously about how I couldn't stand how fake all of it sounds he says to me (via text message) "But it's just worth it if it gets you closer to Him in any way." I put my phone on silent, turned it over, and never responded to the message I was so ticked. After our serious discussion about that sort of stuff he seriously tried to guilt me into going there. What. the. heck.

That kind of turned into a rant about my friend. Sorry.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:05 pm

No, I completely get it.

When I was in my Sophomore year of school I joined an on campus youth group. They did a Church service thing on Sunday evenings that was low key (mostly just students talking about their own experiences, with a local pastor preaching once a month.) I wasn't too big of a deal, but I didn't feel like I was getting much out of it. However, I'd made a few friends there and so I started going to one of their Bible studies on Wednesdays. And while it went alright for a while, I still wasn't getting a lot out of it. I spent most of my time trying to explain the concepts to some of the other girls, and I started to feel really fake. I know people thought I was a much stronger Christian than I really was simply because I'm good at teaching people. And I still wasn't learning anything myself.

That semester I started to get busy, and didn't go as often. By next year I had no intention of going back. In part because it didn't help me but also, because I felt like I had to be part of everything little thing. They had some sort of activity every day, sometimes multiple times a day. And worship retreats on the weekends (I got so sick of those. According to some people, everyone felt God and it changed their life. When I didn't come back, I got endless FB updates about all of these activities, sometimes sent by three or four people to the same thing. Finally, I agreed to meet one of the leaders for coffee. I was planning to tell her my frustrations, and why I left, but she was so adamant about how I was leaving God and so cleared determined to bring me back that I just gave up. I'd spent too much of my life having adults try to drag me to some bible study/youth group thing, most of which turned out to be almost completely pointless.

It sucks that your friend changed so quickly like that. I've never been a big fan of church, or youth groups, and I know how preachy they can get about spending time a church, etc. As though spending time doing the same thing that's infuriated you off in the first place will somehow magically make everything different. And I agree with you on the whole "heard this before, can we move on yet?". At this point, I know God loves me, and that he fed the world with two fish and some bread. I need more than that.

/cynicism much?
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby hummingbird_mywill » Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:40 pm

Ya it sucks when you feel like "boom. I have this deep connection with this person because we're both Christians and actually talk about stuff" and then it just falls flat. That's happened a few times for me. I guess I'm just really grateful for my group here because it's very real. Like once a month we have these big rally things a local church puts on, and that's fine I guess, but mostly it's just hanging out together as friends, playing cards, getting drinks, whatever, and just happening to talk about God at some point. That's the best I think.
There's this verse I can't find the reference for at the moment, but it's like "I want to KNOW God, and experience his mighty power" and it just seems like so often what people in the church wants is to "experience" God and simply know his mighty power. I've been reading a book about how the church was run in the 1st century and it's got me thinking for sure.
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That really sucks though that your friend couldn't seem to hear you out.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby DarkJoey » Sat Jun 01, 2013 3:57 am

owl wrote:No worries about that.

DAM SHOT DOWN
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby DarkJoey » Sat Jun 01, 2013 3:57 am

owl wrote:I am really gay.
I think all the old 'gay jokes' (Age Of Reptiles is by far the best Showbread album like acting gay with all the dudes on here) I used to participate in was just pent up sexual frustration from trying to convince myself that I'm straight. But I'm not. It took me a while to accept, obviously, but I feel 100x better about myself now that I have. I'm not officially out to everyone yet and I def won't come out to like most of my family until I move but its still nice to not have to hide this from literally everyone anymore.

you can grow out of being gay the same way you grow out of pogs.

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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby hummingbird_mywill » Wed Sep 04, 2013 6:28 pm

SC: This job is getting hard. Last night one of the girls I'm counselling tried to kiss me. This is the first time that has happened. It was less freaky than when one of the guys tried to because she's tiny and he's huge so there was no feeling of threat at all... but yeah kind of crazy. Like, she barely even knows me, except that she feels safe around me and she was just like "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I just trust you so much and want to give myself over to you completely" and I was like ooooooh my goodness what is happening in my life. Because it's more than just a job, it is my life. The youth I work with have the flipping craziest life stories...

I can't talk to anyone here about this stuff because it's confidential, except my mentor but she's gone at the moment and that friggin sucks.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Prof_Membrane » Sun Jul 06, 2014 10:56 pm

SC and apparently the first in several months:

Last Wednesday I was covering this guy's break back in electronics at work. His friends were back there waiting so they could hang out with him while he was on break. My coworker came back and said "Hey, don't get offended but.. are you gay? My friend thought you were cute and he wanted me to ask you for your number." I said I was flattered (very much so, actually, cause he was quite a handsome guy) but was not gay and that was kind of the end of it. I overheard the three of them talking about how when the one guy got out of work they were all going to hang out and play Mario Kart. I don't have very many guy friends (compounded by the fact that my two guy friends live at least an hour away now) so I wanted to join them and maybe make some new friends. But that would've been super awkward to invite myself to hang out with three people who have been friends for I'm assuming at least a few years especially because the one guy friend wanted my number for potential romantic reasons. So, the minor part of this confession is that I'm feeling quite lonely and would like some guy friends to hang out with but making friends after elementary school has proven to be quite hard for me. The major part of the confession is that I am now questioning my sexuality.

That's fun. And somewhat terrifying for several reasons: while I'm sure my parents love me if I were to tell them this I have no idea how they would react, I've not even seriously dated any women in quite a while (partly because the girls I have been interested in have boyfriends), and the whole debate about homosexuality and following Jesus. It's quite fun... -_-

also i creeped through the coworker's facebook friends to find the guy and while i want to try talking to him just to see if a platonic friendship would be possible i can't very well go contacting him directly because my coworker never even told me his name. i literally scrolled through a friend list until i found a profile picture that looked like him. i made MYSELF uncomfortable.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Rawlyssa » Sun Aug 17, 2014 4:31 am

SC:

I just read a bunch of my old posts on here and I gotta say sorry for being such a outrageously malicious.

My life is totally different, with new and exciting highs to new and weird lows and even though I'm a lot better at not being a outrageously malicious I am still angrier than I should be at things. I'm working on it.

BUT yea. Things are different. I drink, I smoke the ganja, I do the horizontal dance with the opposite gender. I could probably write a book on the weird, fascinating, and semi famous dudes I've slept with. It's actually pretty funny to me how much I've changed but hey, I'm an adult person. I guess thats what you DO.


ALSO big props to Mark. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be yourself.
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