Serious Confessions

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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby sweetprincess » Wed Dec 05, 2012 1:43 am

I'm doing pretty well on the one hand. Totally over my ex, paperwork is almost done processing, everything has been chill with him. Got loads of confirmation from people saying he did or said something inappropriate, I am totally at peace with this decision
I have tons of support, good friends and family.

On the other hand, there is a huge part of me that feels like no one is going to fully love me. And it is driving me crazy because now I think every guy is going to cheat on me, or leave me. Or that I will love them far more than they love me. It is kind of awful
.
"Stagnant or will I run? Give up or will I run into arms that are open? Get rid of all the fear,
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby HunterBrown » Wed Dec 05, 2012 5:24 pm

Wait, I'm out of the loop. What happened with your ex?
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby sweetprincess » Wed Dec 05, 2012 5:58 pm

We got a divorce for the following reasons: 1. He was dishonest with me about money, where he was, etc. 2. He was verbally abusive ( you aren't as pretty as you think you are, you have mental problems, you are shaped like a boy, you aren't a good wife, etc.) 2
. He started to get physically abusive 4. He flirted with other women constantly, wouldn't wear his wedding ring, etc.

I'm better off without him. I forgive him, and I'm not mad at him anymore. But now I am left with trust issues, and I feel like no one is ever going to love me. Or at least I will be at the bottom of the priority list. Th
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I know that You are here."
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby HunterBrown » Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:04 pm

Oh my goodness, that's terrible! i can't imagine that someone could do something like that, I'm truly sorry.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby sweetprincess » Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:48 pm

Its fine now. I am over it. I know I deserve far better than that, and I know God has always had someone better out there for me. I'm just gun shy now
"Stagnant or will I run? Give up or will I run into arms that are open? Get rid of all the fear,
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:54 pm

Hopefully you'll feel better after you have some time to get your confidence back. However, if you find yourself feeling this way most of the time or it doesn't get better after awhile, look into seeing a counselor. It's really common for people to meet with someone after a divorce to deal with some of those same feelings.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby sweetprincess » Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:47 am

I'm doing better, slowly. I still occasionally have moments especially at night where I.break down crying, for what feels like no reason at all. I mean, its been like 4 months. And its to the point where I'm not mad at him anymore. I have this one guy who is interested in me who I guess has liked me (but obviously wouldn'tdo.anything because I was married, I had no clue). And he lives in another state at the moment
I reeeeeeaaaaally like this guy, like a ton. And I want for him to pursue me, and go after me hardcore. I can't make this happen. And plus I'm the girl. I've been through a lot of crap and I really just want to go on a date, feel pretty, and have someone be head over heals for me
"Stagnant or will I run? Give up or will I run into arms that are open? Get rid of all the fear,
I know that You are here."
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Mon Dec 10, 2012 2:17 am

Just be careful. My mom got married sort of young (she dated the guy for a while before hand) and when they got divorced I don't think she really figured out how to be on her own. Despite being pretty independent she started dating not long afterwords. She had one serious relationship before she ended it and then immediately started seeing my dad. And while I'm thrilled my parents got together ('cause I'm enjoying life and all) they really shouldn't have got married.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby sweetprincess » Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:51 pm

I'm being careful. Trust me.
"Stagnant or will I run? Give up or will I run into arms that are open? Get rid of all the fear,
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Tue Dec 11, 2012 2:14 am

I do trust you. You're awesome. :)
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Tue Dec 11, 2012 2:14 am

I do trust you. You're awesome. :)
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby sweetprincess » Tue Dec 11, 2012 9:42 pm

Thanks, I try. I've been praying a lot (not just about this relationship, but life in general) and trying to find peace. I feel like this is right where I'm supposed to be.
"Stagnant or will I run? Give up or will I run into arms that are open? Get rid of all the fear,
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby hummingbird_mywill » Sat Dec 22, 2012 3:26 am

SC: A few days ago, when the shootings happened, I didn't feel anything. Like I didn't know how to care and I still don't.

I think my emotions are broken. Major tragedies or major celebrations aren't really affecting me, but then like tiny things like thinking about an random old person sitting alone at a senior's house at Christmas can have me doubled over in tears for a spell. It's like PMS for the last 2 months. Can your emotions go in overdrive and malfunction? It's like my dominant logical side is trying to filter out any strong feelings that won't help me improve the world somehow. I've been thinking about this a lot, but lately I've been wondering if maybe I just need to close the door and have a good cry about everything and everyone's hurt.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby limework » Sat Dec 22, 2012 12:05 pm

i'm the same way.

so i'm a girl.
I'm a dude, she's a dude.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Zinja#2 » Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:39 pm

limework wrote:i'm the same way.

so i'm a girl.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Timloney » Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:16 pm

I've been feeling the same way way lately. It is so weird how the simplest little thing sets me off and a tragedy like what happened in Connecticut doesn't phase me. I think, at least for me over the last few months I have grown a lot spiritually, and that has affected how I shoe emotion. I'm not saying that I don't care or that to be it isn't sad, it just seems like it's easier to cry for a single person/thing than a tragedy.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Thu Dec 27, 2012 4:23 pm

That's probably because it's easier to relate to something smaller, such as an older person being alone on Christmas, than it is to understand the Connecticut shooting. In the first example it's much easier to subconsciously think of a grandparent or even one of our own parents getting older and being sad and alone. We know these people and how hard it would be for them to be alone on a birthday or highly celebrated holiday. We know how sad we would feel ourselves to be alone on Christmas.

But mass shootings don't directly affect the lives of most people. We can't as easily relate to what it would be like to be in a school or movie theater during a shooting like that. How would we react? What would happen to us? What would our emotions be? It's much harder to understand a shooting or warfare than something smaller and more common.

This doesn't make you a bad person or mean that your emotions are broken. In fact, it's how most people operate. No one has the emotional energy to have a strong, personal reaction to every tragedy. (If we did we would drive ourselves crazy.) Some people are more in tune with, and base more decisions on, feelings, while other people are more logical. But both sides are going to have a stronger emotional reaction to something they relate to over something that feels very distant.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby Prof_Membrane » Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:59 pm

I'm moving into one of the bedrooms in a four bedroom villa up by UB on either Thursday or Friday and I don't even know what to think. I am absolutely terrified by all of it. Not being sure who my roommates will be, what they'll be like, whether I'm really going to like the courses I'm taking, if they're even the right courses to take/in the right major. I'm terrified of thinking about having to buy and make all my own food, buy my own toiletries, and pretty much everything else. I'm also transferring to the Target up there so I'll still have a job, which I'll need to buy said items, but it's enormous and seems almost always dirty, and I'm not going to know anyone there so even though I'll be all trained for working there it will be like starting a whole new job again! And then there's my friend Neil, who is living down in Virginia, finishing up school, working at said school, has a pretty sweet living situation he can afford without taking out loans, and pretty much has everything all figured out. I envy him so very much. I know I'm supposed to just trust in God and all that, but I just... I feel like a small, insecure little child and it pisses me off. I'm 22 and should have at least a little of my life figured out by now, shouldn't I? Some sort of direction?

It's all sort of culminated into what I can only say is a death wish. I'm not suicidal. I'm far too big a coward to harm myself in some way even if it led to my end, but if I were to just suddenly not wake up in the morning or get in a car accident or whatever that would be OK with me. These thoughts have come before and more often of late. I should probably get some sort of therapy.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby hummingbird_mywill » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:35 pm

From a fellow 22-year-old who is absolutely terrified, try not to compare yourself to people (I'm going to qualify that by saying unless there's a very good reason, because sometimes you do need to compare yourself but usually no) because there's always some other piece of the puzzle you're missing. I got referred to go to counselling last semester for depression even though for the most part I got everything I wanted. It just came pretty suddenly and I felt like I was bad at everything and everyone was better than me at something. But more importantly, I felt like I should be doing more or better to help people and got really angry realizing I have limitations. I'm still having problems with that and I still feel like I should be doing more somehow, all the time.

All that to say... I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. I guess, you're in pretty overwhelming circumstances and it's totally human to feel how you feel so don't feel bad about feeling bad, which is the worst feeling in my opinion. Like, even like 50% of the Psalms are David being like "I'm incredibly overwhelmed!!!" in some form or another.
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Re: Serious Confessions

Postby ThePageStaysBlank » Sun Jan 13, 2013 7:13 pm

Yeah, you sound like pretty much every other college kid I know. Everyone feels super overwhelmed, and it often feels like you are the only one. But there are so many people in the same place. A huge majority of 22 year olds all feel the same way. The truth is, we're all winging this whole being-an-adult-thing.

Heck, even those of us who do have college figured out have other things we're worried about. I love college, I have the whole thing pretty well figured out at this point. BUT I've been here for four years, and I've got other things to freak out about. Like, Did I major in the right thing? Am I going to be able to get a job, a real grown-up job, someday? How am I going to suport myself and not relay on my parents so much? What if I don't get the right kind of job and I don't get into grad school? Do I even want to go to grad school? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE!?!?

Just remember that each day will come one at a time and you will figure this stuff out. You move in one day, you see what your classes will be like a few days later, you'll have your first shift at Target another day. You'll get through all of these things just fine. And if you have problems you'll figure out a way to fix them. If you have to drop a class so what? Trust me, it won't kill you. Your job doesn't work out? You'll find a new one. You run out of toilet paper? You won't ever again. You're stronger than you thing you are.
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